1 Dish of Cure For Negativity

Negativity… an epidemic so easy to spread like a cold and once 1 person is contaminated they can spread it from person to person like a chain reaction. You can catch it at work, through friends, colleagues, family, and even a spouse… and the worst part is sometimes you can have it and don’t even know. Ever notice that one person that is constantly making comments about things and never has anything positive to say? Some people that carry this disease around and knowingly and purposely transmit it to others, because if they aren’t fully happy in their lives, why is anyone else allowed to be?

The key to staying clear of this sickness is to 1. never catch it in the first place or 2. get rid of it the moment you find out you have it.

If you never want to catch it, you have to avoid people that you know who carry it. Stay clear of the infected because their outlook on life is to always see the glass half empty. They would rather wallow in their own unhappy thoughts because it would just be TOO hard to try to fix their problems or be positive about life. Surround yourself with people that you know are positive thinking individuals who share the same goals as yourself. But if you absolutely have to be around someone that is negative through work or other situations, try to change their outlook on things. Share your smiles, share your good words and happy thoughts... you'd be surprised, a little goes a long way.

If one day you notice that you've been saying or thinking a lot of negative things... get rid of that mindset ASAP! Take a look around you and see if you have been infected by someone who is spreading their disease to you. You are crippling yourself and most likely others around you by carrying around a negative outlook on things and at the end of the day you're doing the most damage to YOURSELF. If you aren't happy with something, complaining is doing absolutely NOTHING for you but digging the problem deeper and deeper. Instead, find the root of the negative thoughts and look for a solution to it, which can only be found in you.

Overall, life is about success, which you measure. You decide what makes you happy. You decide what can KEEP you happy. And only YOU can allow someone to take that away. Do not allow someone to bring their negative disease and spread it to you, a negative person’s only goal is to spread their gloomy misery everywhere. Nothing in life comes easy or without stress, and that is not to be expected. So instead of adding to the spread of it, combat the negative energy with a positive outlook on life. Think about all of the wasted time you can spend complaining, hurting others and being pessimistic. 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? Think about the happiness you are blinding yourself from during all of that time. Don't allow anyone to spread their negative mood to you, it's not worth it and it's definitely not doing any GOOD in your life. So cure the negativity and share a smile instead of a nasty attitude today... makes a difference :)

HBCU or PWI ???

I constantly hear people battle about which type of school is better – an HBCU or a PWI. For those if you that don’t know: a HBCU is a Historically Black College or University and a PWI is a Predominately White Institute. People judge based on their experiences and based on what they’ve heard from others about their schools. Unfortunately some come to the conclusion that HBCU’s are sub-par and those that graduate from them cannot come out of college and compete with their counterparts. That is so far from the truth.

It saddens me that people discourage others from attending a Historically Black College because they have heard that they are “party schools” and other negative rumors that bash what people have worked so hard to build up. Some of the same doctors and lawyers that could have chosen to teach at a PWI make the decision to educate students at HBCUs instead. Some of the top leaders and role models in this world graduated from a HBCU and went on to greatness! As with any college and university across the country… your school is what YOU make it. You could attend Yale or Harvard and flunk out the first year because all you chose to do is party and hang around a crowd that was not focused on getting ahead or achievement. I’ve seen some of my counterparts attend PWIs and bring home terrible grades or complain about the atmosphere at their school and how they feel like they are “just a number”. I think it is a matter of choosing the school that you wish to attend WISELY. If you find it hard to focus in larger settings, then obviously a school with 30,000 students probably isn't best suited for you. You have the power to make your school a match for you and your needs and if you don't like something work to be a CHANGE, after all you are paying tuition there!

I think it’s also based on what type of life you lived prior to college. If you grew up around ALL black people throughout elementary, middle and high school then maybe going to a PWI was a good match because you wanted a change. Me for example, I grew up around a good mix of diversity prior to college but never had too many black friends so I wanted to attend a HBCU to get a different experience. Still with attending a HBCU I experienced the most diversity EVER – I went to college with all types of black people from all around the world with a range of backgrounds, experiences and those that shared my goals & aspirations and wanted to make a difference in OUR communities. I wouldn't change my HBCU experience for the world because it taught me that there are no 2 black people that are the same in this world. Everyone I met had their own story to share and my school is a worldwide 2^nd family to me. I can also say that I am DEFINITELY prepared to compete with any of my counterparts in this world because I did what I had to to learn while I was in college; as did most of my colleagues.

With that said… I think that everyone should let people make their OWN decisions when deciding on a college or university to attend. I have heard all kinds of opinions but ultimately everyone has to make their school the best for THEM. I will always support HBCU’s because they give those who may not have always had a chance the chance to achieve higher things in life. Oh yeah & shout out to my Alma Mater… can I get an AGGIE PRIDE!!!

Movies, Media, Porn & the Bar They Set in Relationships

Media plays an enormous effect on dating and relationships in a number of ways from television to movies, constantly watching and following celebrities’ relationships and porn. Couples strive to achieve this higher level of romance and sexuality based on unrealistic expectations from a bar that can never be reached. Men fantasize that their next girlfriend and future wife will look like Angelina Jolie, Beyonce and Megan Fox, while women dream that they will be swept off their feet with romance from movies like the Notebook and Twilight.

When it comes to television and movies, I think pressure is put on men to live up to these unrealistic standards of romance that ultimately almost no man can compare to. I believe that “good men” exist and are out there, but in terms of men who make no mistakes or who will swoop you up and fall at your every word --- media plays into this flawed perception that every relationship is really like that. Everyone has issues and even if you get the most “perfect” man for you, you can’t compare him to what you’ve seen in a movie or on tv and expect him to compare. When it comes to women and how perfect they look in media aspects, guys fail to realize it’s all about MAKE UP AND WEAVE! Yes, even Gaby Union, Nia Long and Halle Berry have plenty of fake things about them. Television and movies embellish relationships and situations to give you this fantasy to dream about, it’s not to be worked towards actually achieving.

The media works hard to create stories of drama and romance for those that have nothing going on in their own real lives… and we buy it. We buy the magazines, we listen to the gossip on the radio, and we follow along on all of the social networking sites. It’s fun, but not always healthy because once again, it provides a false sense of perfectionism when in reality you don’t know anything that’s going on in those people’s lives. We’ve seen the Kobe situation, followed along with Kim Kardashian as she’s moved from guy to guy, and witnessed Tony Parker cheat on Eva Longoria and so much more. But we never actually know the FULL story to those situations and what goes on behind closed doors in their relationships. You can’t compare yourself to these people because no matter what you see on the outside, their lives are far from perfect!

When it comes to sexuality in relationships and things like porn, these also can have effects on a couple’s bedroom experience together. Some guys gawk at every move and position in porn to the point where when they get in the bedroom, they strive to be these porn stars and want their woman to perform exactly how they view their favorite female porn stars. I think it’s completely unfair to compare your woman to what you see in these flicks because that is their J-O-B, they are trained actress’ who do this day in and day out to get the reaction they are getting out of you.

When it comes to how all of these media outlets affect relationships, men and women become pressured by all types of things to feel like they have to live up to something for their mate. You really have to think about it and set aside what you view and see in other people’s lives and take a look at your OWN reality. It’s unfair to put these unrealistic expectations on each other because we’re not living in a fantasy land. Unless you want your girl getting butt implants and plastic surgery to look like your favorite celeb then don’t put her on that type of pedestal and ladies, NO ONE is going to be Noah from the Notebook, so while your man may romance you… treat him like a human and not a robot, after all… no one is perfect!

Introducing... Feature Friday!

Are you in the process of doing big things or becoming the next superstar in your industry?

This is for you! This year I’m starting “Feature Friday”. Feature Friday will take place every other Friday and will feature people that want to get their name out there and share with the world what they do and why they’re great at it! If you are into music, acting, opening up your own business, the next NFL star, the best 4^th grade teacher… no matter what I’d love to help get your name out there! Each week I’ll tweet for submissions and if I choose to feature you, I’ll interview you and you’ll be posted up for those 2 weeks, starting January 14 J

If you’d like to be featured – email me or follow me on twitter @cherieamourxox & let me know!  

GOODBYE 2010!

The end of the year is here... 

View all

Get your own

To sum this year up… this year was a pretty great year for me. It had its ups and downs like every other year but overall the biggest complaint I have is that it’s cold outside! Lol

The first part of the year is always exciting to me just because I know that upcoming challenges will be approaching and of course my birthday – January 2^{nd :)}. I always wonder what I should expect and be prepared for, but the truth is, you never can be too prepared for life… it just comes and you just have to take it how it’s thrown at you.

In 2010, I started out the year pretty sad and disheartened because I was supposed to be volunteering in Panama and didn’t get to go… I had just graduated and hadn’t planned on being home so I wasn’t working yet. By March, I got my first post-grad job at Trax.com, which has been going really well and in June I was offered a full time position. I went to school for Criminal Justice and ended up a Marketing Research Analyst, which has taught me many things and allowed me to open up my experience to other industries. We’re a start-up company which is teaching me MANY things I’ll need when I open my company. I work with 3 other people, excluding my boss – all of which are under the age of 25 so it keeps the office pretty interesting and definitely fun. I also really did a huge push on my business stuff and in 2011 I will be doing WAY more of that and a little less of building everyone else’s “brand”. April was a roller coaster for me because I experienced death up close and personal for the first time in life. My Aunt passed away on the 9^th but then I was blessed with my 1^st nephew on April 13^th. It was definitely a whirlwind, but opened my eyes to the blessings I have and the way they are being presented to me. My nephew (and god-son) Brayden has been such a joy to my life for the past 9 months… he’s almost walking and already has 2 teeth, being an Aunt is an amazing feeling!! Summer was… well SUMMER, my all-time favorite part of the year of course. July brought an amazing man into my life that allowed me to see chivalry is DEFINITELY not dead. He’s everything I ever could have asked for and more & I thank God every day for blessing me with him and the love he shares with me. [I love you baby] – The rest of the year has been great. I’ve had many things to look forward to and be thankful for this year, and the holiday’s brought family time as my brother returned from school after finishing up his 3^rd semester at Morehouse College.

2011 will be nothing but great because I’m proclaiming that now. I know there will be things that I will not like and will not understand, but as I grow I’m realizing more and more how to accept and move on. I’m ready for what the year has in store as I embark on 2011 and 23 years!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE & thanks for the support this year, expect more upcoming!

(As I always say about each new day… If 2010 was not a good one, YOU have the power to make 2011 better… use it!)

Knowing WHEN to Make That Change

While listening to John Legend’s “I can change”, I came across this thought: “Is changing about knowing WHEN to change or having someone WORTH changing for?”

Time and time again guys come across “good” females and vice versa and yet, choose to pass them up because they are not willing to put aside the games, the party life and the side pieces and close that little black book long enough to realize that they have something good right in front of them. So should we expect that people wake up one day and simply decide “Oh it’s time for me to grow up and work towards eventually being in a relationship”? Highly unlikely. I believe it’s something that is decided when you meet THAT person of quality that you’ve been “looking for” and then it’s up to you to realize what you have and decide to change your ways. When you come across the person that actually keeps your attention long enough and makes you not want to go out and find other people, that’s when the change comes naturally.

I’m not saying that this “change” requires spending Saturday evenings in the house reading and knitting and not having a social life anymore, it’s just about growing up a little and closing the bachelor/ette chapter of your life… at least for the time being. In the song, Snoop mentions ”When you find one like that, you have to make that change, cause they don’t come to often… and when they do come, you got to be smart enough to know when to change.” Everyone has the specs written out in their head about their prototype and qualities they prefer in their mate. When you meet that person, they’re vibe and attitude should make you WANT to do better. And that is exactly why no man (or woman) can be FORCED to give up a certain lifestyle or get rid of other people that they’re dating.

Change varies from person to person. There are a few people that need a whole re-vamp on their relationship etiquette, some just need to give up some habits here and there and others will just NEVER get it; those will be the single 40 year olds still trying to pick up girls at the club 15 years from now. It’s all about your own personal needs. If you’re a partier and you enjoy spending 4 nights a week in the club, by all means do you… however, don’t think for one second that your bf/gf is going to sit at home and wait around for you while you continue to party and most likely meet other people. If you are scared and always keep people on the side for fear of commitment, the bug just hasn’t gotten to you yet. One of these days you’ll meet someone to make you want to get rid of the others. After all, what will you need them for if this one has all the qualities you've ever wanted and more?

But ultimately, it takes realization and unfortunately for some, it’s realizing what you have before it’s too late. I’ve seen guys date a perfectly fine girl and tell me how great she is and this and that and RIGHT before he goes to get rid of the others because he sees he doesn’t need them, bam… she finds something out about him that completely ruins the situation. It happens every day… so if you are sitting in front of someone who you know should be cherished and done right by, do the right thing… or let them go. There is someone out there willing to make that CHANGE for them if you aren’t!

Social Networking and Relationships

Back in the day, relationships had to be so much simpler. There were so many less layers to things and so much has been added to the mix since. It’s funny because my mom always jokes with me about how much things have changed even in terms of the defining lines of being in a relationship. It’s so much more acceptable now to just be “talking to him” or “messing with her” – back then, either you were in a relationship or you weren't… there was no in between. And then, what about social networking? This adds a whole new element to the relationship. Is it okay to follow your bf/gf on twitter? Should you announce to all of Facebook when you get in a relationship?


Personally, I say no. If you followed your boyfriend or girlfriend prior to the relationship, then let it stay that way. When you first enter a relationship, it’s not necessary to go announce it to the world. Now, I do think that when asked by someone or if it comes up – it should be known, but it’s not needed to shout it to the world as soon as it happens. If you do follow your boyfriend or girlfriend on twitter, do it for the right reasons. Just like a cell phone, don’t go snooping in the conversations being had between them and other people because it comes down to if you trust them or not. If you have to go snoop and look for stuff and trust is lacking, you should be questioning your relationship from the beginning anyway. Similarly, just because someone doesn’t announce on Facebook that they are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that they AREN’T in one. Some people like to keep their information like that personal and prefer to keep their relationship secretive and out of the lime light. If that has been discussed between them, then that’s just it… there is no rule that letting the world know really makes it OFFICIAL.

I think that since they became popular, social networking sites have definitely caused problems in peoples relationships because most of the time people ALLOW them to. If you read too much into the #ineedagirlwho trending topic your man is tweeting about on Twitter, or you see a comment saying “Hey hun how are you” from a male on your girl’s wall on Facebook and flip out – you are allowing unnecessary things to cause problems in your relationship. As I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs, “The Title is for the Public” – if you are only basing your love and affection from your partner based on his mentions towards you on Twitter or comments on your wall, you should probably reevaluate your relationship, because it sounds like all you are worried about is what the public is seeing of you all.

Ultimately, it comes down to how both of you all feel. If you all are both okay with putting that you are in a relationship on Twitter or following and tweeting each other on Twitter… then that most likely means it hasn’t caused a problem yet and shouldn’t. Just like anything else, the problem can be as big or small as you make it… Social networking is supposed to be fun, if used the right way… so don’t allow it to be anything more than what it was intended for in your relationship either.

Dishing My Review: For Colored Girls

Sunday, I went to see the Tyler Perry movie -- "For Colored Girls", based on the play “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf” by Ntozake Shange.

A lot of people kept saying how sad and depressing it was but I actually never dropped a tear and I’m usually a CRIER! So, before I went I googled the play to get a little overview of exactly how the suicide and rainbow came into play. Basically, each color in the rainbow is representative of each woman in the play and they each have a separate stories about their lives that are  shared through out  the play. 

So, yes while it was definitely dramatic (as Tyler Perry movies normally are) – it was also very REAL. I kept seeing a number of tweets saying how depressing it was but every account in the movie comes from a real life stand point and I know firsthand plenty of women who have been through things that the movie addressed. The movie dealt with abortion, rape, married men on the down low and AIDS, STDs, post war alcohol abuse, domestic abuse, holding onto a dead relationship, religion, mother daughter relationships, family molestation, and overall, the subtle connection that all black women share. I appreciated every single issue covered because unfortunately in our families and in our community, many people do not bring up or talk about these issues and solutions to them enough.

Many men felt (as they usually do with Tyler Perry movies) that they were “bashed” as usual and the movie gave good men in the world no credit. Well, that was pretty much the case, but this time, this wasn’t Tyler’s work. The film did not show a lot of positivity towards black males, but then again, despite the fact that there are good men left, a lot of our communities are still suffering and plighted by the issues that were addressed in the movie. Whether there are good black men still out in the world or not is beside the point when these issues are so dominant and often overlooked and ignored. I just feel like if you are truly a GOOD black male, you don’t need a movie to give you credit – for what? If you are TRULY a good man, you do your part regardless and aren’t looking for a handout, pat on the back or cookie for what you do. But, if you are a black male that feels this way about the movie – then do your part in the community to help others and get these issues heard and make sure that when you marry, you raise your daughter to RECOGNIZE the good black men and your son to BE a good black man.

I particularly enjoyed the poetic segments throughout the movie – which I know not everyone would like because some people just don’t “get” stuff like that. You definitely had to pay close attention to the words of the poems, and even I need to watch the movie again to pick up on some of the metaphors that were used. I also liked how in the beginning each of the women lived a separate life and went about their business each and every day (as most of us out here do) and in the end; they ended up intertwined because they shared so many similarities they initially had no idea about. This goes to show that each day as you walk by your sister in the grocery store, or pass each other on the metro going to work, you truly have NO idea what she could be dealing with or going through. People use smiles, laughter and make up to cover up a lot. As I sat in the theater, I had goosebumps because the bond of black women is undefined and unspoken. Each of us has our own struggles in life – some more extreme than others – but in the end, we share one single strand of similarity: being an African American woman, and that is something that no one else can take from us, no one else can identify with and no one else will truly understand until they walk in our shoes.

Be His Girlfriend, Not His Mom

This morning on the way into work, I received a text from my friend telling me my next blog topic was being talked about on a radio show. I turned and listened, trying to pick up the conversation and see what they were talking about. I heard female callers, calling in talking about how they take care of their man too much and some saying they liked taking care of their man because they like to be in control. In essence, the question of the day was – how much is TOO much, in terms of taking care of your man?

Some of the women calling in were mentioning that they enjoyed taking care of their man because it let them be in control of things. Other women complained that it was a love/hate thing: they loved taking care of their man, but hated having to do everything. The men mostly had a different opinion that no man should be taken care of by any woman, no matter what. Now, when they say “take care of”, I got out of it that they meant – doing everything for their man, from buying him things, cooking, cleaning, reminding him things, to wiping his ass (just kidding, but I’m sure there are women who almost wish they could, just because it allows them to control the situation and know what’s going on smh).

I think there is a thin line between A. taking care of your man in the sense of being his partner and working WITH him and B. the extreme of playing mother to him to the point where you end up babying him. It’s okay to show love to and appreciate him, in terms of showing support for what he enjoys, compromising and even sometimes knowing when to be submissive. If you are constantly following behind him and his every move, picking up after him, double checking to make sure he's done things... that's ridiculous.

Personally, I was raised in a way and am attracted to a “manly man”. So, while I don’t have a problem doing stuff myself, I still believe that men should be the fixer uppers of the house and women should cook and take care of certain other things. This is not to say that women can’t take the trash out or come home one day to a home cooked meal from their man or when she cooks, he can’t help out by washing the dishes, helping to do laundry, change the kids diapers, etc. I just believe in the traditional household, so I don’t think women should play into the whole overly “independent woman” cop-out. A relationship is a PARTNERSHIP – each person puts in their part and sometimes the woman will NEED the man, just like other times the man will NEED the woman.

If you have to constantly be in control of what your man or woman is doing, you might want to reconsider a relationship right now because that is not how it works. No one should be with someone who LETS them pay for everything or allows them to take on all of the responsibilities of the relationship. How long do you think that will actually work? There is no way that anyone you are considering for a long term partner should allow everything to fall into your lap. Every man was born from the womb of ONE woman -- their mother and unless you are her, there are some things you just should not have to do for him. It becomes easy for him to become used to something if it's something you started out doing from the beginning. Cater to your man, HELP him if he needs it, support his goals – but don’t enable him as a man by doing everything for him. Each person needs to play their part in terms of responsibility and more importantly accountability. So, sorry... I just can’t respect any man that allows a woman to do EVERYTHING for him – 2010 or not.

The conTEXT of Drunk Texts

It’s Saturday night and everyone’s out partying having a great time, drinks are flowing and the dance floor is packed. The party lasts all night and you wake up the next morning wondering how you even made it home. You stumble downstairs and grab some cold water and toast and plop down on the couch to catch some of Sunday’s football games. When you check your phone you see a series of texts that you don’t even remember sending between you and your ex about how you miss her…

… Or females, how about drunk texting the guy you’re really interested in but don’t want to come off too forward to. FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

Oh, the infamous “drunk texts”… we’ve all been there, it’s happened to the best of us. But, how should they be taken by the receiver? Do we read drunken texts (or bbms) as people say we should – “a drunk persons words are a sober man’s thoughts” OR do we just ignore them and not take them serious because they can’t man up and say it to us when they are sober anyway?

Ehh. No one wants to sit there and have to read between the lines trying to figure out if the person is serious or not. There are different types of drunk people: those that just embellish their thoughts a little when they drink, and those that become completely different people. If you are the type that sends crazy or obnoxious messages when you get drunk, maybe you should leave your phone in your purse or in the car – or erase your ex’s number so there’s no chance of it happening. If you wake up in the morning and find that you had a whole convo of drunk texting with someone and said some things you probably shouldn’t have, clear it up by letting them know you were drunk and said some things you normally wouldn’t.

If you are the receiver of constant drunken 4 am texts – set some boundaries and don’t text them back. Let the person sending the texts know that you can’t take their texts seriously and if they are really trying to get to you know, that’s definitely not the way to do it.

I personally just don’t entertain the drunk calls, texts or anything else. I do think it is about reading in between certain lines though. For instance, if the person never hits you up or says what’s on their mind when they are sober and 3 drinks in, the words and texts start pouring out – that says a lot about their communication skills and not in a good way. If someone ONLY texts you when they’re drunk at 3 and 4 am… that shows you where they are at. They aren’t looking for a dinner date, they’re looking for dessert and by entertaining them you’re letting it be known that it’s okay and acceptable to only be hit up when they have been drinking. At the end of the day, it’s all about what type of message you are trying to get across and if it only happens when drinks are flowing then most likely you are sending them the wrong message about how you want to be approached.