Knowing Your Role: Are you the side dish or the 5 course meal?

I’ve come to the conclusion that some people just don’t know what their role is, OR if they do know their role, they don’t know how to play it. When I say “role” – I’m speaking in terms of a male to female relationship, and in this post I’m applying this particularly to females. Not knowing or playing your role can cause so many issues and confusion in any type of relationship with someone. Whether you are supposed to be just his friend (& when I say friend, I REALLY mean friend, none of the benefits included), a friend WITH benefits (i.e. just a piece of ass, a side joint), a main joint or the girlfriend.

Breakdown:

The Drink – Just the friend. Someone you always have to have around, you always need, is apart of every meal but is kept right there, nothing more, nothing less. People tend to use this word WAY too loosely and get it mixed up with other definitions. In this case ladies, if you are truly his friend, there are no feelings involved, no sex, no messing around, no dating, etc. Now some people like to argue that there is no such thing as a male/female friendship. I beg to differ. But, I do know that in many cases if a female has a male friend most likely either they USED to talk or date or s/he WANTS to be dating. In some cases though, it is strictly platonic.

The Snack – Always quick to grab whenever you want it off the late night, it’s tempting, and fulfills your desire for something but she comes and goes. Ahhh. The friend with benefits, typically the role with the hardest defining line. This is usually because it starts out at strictly sexually based. Everything is cool and both parties are okay with it being just about sex and that’s it. Then one day… BAM… Feelings appear. Damn those feelings! Typically caught by the female, everything slowly starts to get a little weird. She wants more… more texts, more phone calls, more effort, more time. Wait? Wasn’t this just STRICLY about sex two months ago? Wasn’t she just saying she didn’t want a relationship and everything was cool? Now all of the sudden this chic wants a date? She wants to meet the friends and family? WHOA. Now, it’s important for both parties here to be clear from the start. Fellas, if you want a girl to STRICTLY be a friend with benefits, I suggest not bringing her around family, friends, no dates, none of the cute things for no reason, if she’s buying you things you miiiiight not want to accept them – because some females just don’t understand and when you start throwing in things that can be confused as “he likes me” actions that’s when you create a problem for yourself. Ladies, if you care about your feelings and them being hurt, please read between the lines. If he wanted to be doing things for you and with you, he would and you wouldn’t have to force it. End of story.

The Side Dish – The Side Joint. Something to add on the side to the main dish, there could be a couple of these, they add a little something extra that maybe the main course just doesn’t provide. If you are the side joint, you are just someone to have around. This is the girl that’s probably cool to hang out with, good convo, good sex, whatever. There is a slight chance she could end up being more one day, but most likely not. She can act up if she wants to, but she’s easily replaceable and at the end of the day, you can take or leave her because there is always the main dish or the 5 course meal.

The Main Dish – The Main Joint. Provides the substance usually the heartiest, and more complex dish on your menu. This dish satisfies the meal. This is the one you spend a majority of your time with. She’s always down for you, always around when you need her, helps fulfill what you need but there might just be that ONE thing that makes you not want to make her anything more. Or maybe it’s just the timing but it’s been communicated that she’s definitely more than just a side dish and she understands. Either way, she probably sticks around for a while.

The 5 Course Meal – This is the girlfriend. A meal like this is something you can’t always indulge in because it’s hard to come by a good one of these, but when you do get one it’s everything and more. This meal keeps you full and wanting nothing else. She’s got all the courses – including the drink because she’s your friend too. If at any point you THINK you are the girlfriend, chances are you are wrong. This is something that has been communicated to you and if you’ve never met the friends or family and he never takes you out, but he tells you you’re the girlfriend – he’s lying, you’re probably just the side dish babe!

Why it’s important to know your role: For one, if you don’t… you end up looking stupid and pathetic. While you’re running around telling everyone that you talk to or date this guy, he’s telling all his boys about how he can conveniently hit you up off the late night and how you’ll drop everything and run to him. Two, your feelings end up hurt. If you told him from jump it’s strictly about sex, let it be what it is. Trying to force things that just AREN’T is where people mess up and end up loosing a possible friend. And three, it just keeps everything so much more simple. Don’t get it twisted, this is not just a thing females do, males let it happen to. Ultimately it’s about communication. Draw the line and don’t step over it. If you know AND play your role – you’ll be so much better off, trust me.