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thank you for jumping into my world. read. share. live mindfully. laugh often. seek balance. choose happiness. love life. -- XOX ♥ msamarse

1.25.2011

Can Males & Females REALLY Just Be Friends?

Last night an interesting convo sparked between some friends and me about the dynamics of male and female relationships and friendships and of course the age-old question presented itself: can males and females REALLY just be platonic friends? There are many on the fence with the answer to this question based on their relationships with females and males in their own lives. Because we grow up with examples of how to act in various situations and learn from what we view, but see so few examples of male-female friendships for us to learn from…  it prevents us from ever really coming to a solid answer.

Society doesn’t react well to people who say “We are really just friends!” It’s always assumed that the two of you have crossed some type of line at one point or another during your friendship. I have male friends that I consider JUST friends; we have never had a romantic encounter, and I have never had a thought cross my head about being anything more with them. But because of the way males are wired to think – I believe that if I actually attempted to cross this line with them, they would let me take it there.

Given that there are so many variables that come into play with this, I think that yes, given maturity and understanding, males and females can be JUST friends. However, most of the time… at some point, either you two weren’t “just friends” or one of the two of you all wants to be more than friends but hasn’t expressed it. Whether it’s acted upon or not is a different story. Or maybe one has expressed it and got shut down. I think that in many friendships, the IDEA of taking their friendship further is considered by 1 of the parties -- but the fear of taking the chance and ruining the friendship outweighs even crossing that line to begin with.

Okay, so we say males and females CAN be just friends. Now… how close is too close for a male and female “friendship”? Is just the two of you all going on outings together okay? What about sleeping in the same bed? Ehhh. I’ve heard some guys say it definitely isn’t possible to do those things and just be friends, while others agree that it is. Where is the consistency?  I won’t for one second be na├»ve enough to think that given the right set of circumstances, flirting, convo, liquor, whatever… a guy couldn’t sleep with one of his female friends. Taking the friendship further to a relationship might not occur because with timing and feelings, things have to be in place at a certain time for it to work out right, and again… most are scared of taking it there. Oh yeah and if you are in a relationship and the male or female friend is still making passes at you or is jealous of your relationship -- EARTH TO YOU -- they are not your true friend. A true friend respects what you have, and doesn't daydream about that being them in your bf/gf's shoes.

I know that it’s supposed to be the “best thing ever” to date someone you’ve been friends with forever. But not necessarily, especially if you know EVERYTHING about your best friend. That may actually be a turn off because you know their bad habits, their lifestyle, how many people they’ve been with etc. To each their own but it’s not something I personally recommend taking a chance on unless you feel a spark or some type of chemistry between you all. Whatever you decide, weigh your options carefully because it’s a real chance you’re taking that might result in nothing but a broken heart, hurt pride and a lost friend.

2 comments:

  1. I personally say a man and woman can be just friends and never even think of crossing that line, I had a female roommate for 2 years and I've known her for 11 years and thought hasn't crossed my mind, it's funny because friends thought I was crazy for never trying to sleep with her, but in my mind she is still that goofy, skinny flat chested girl with braces in 7th grade, though she has spawned into a beautiful young lady. Plus I know it hasn't crossed her mind because she likes thugs

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  2. Yeah I totally agree. There are just some people you have in your life that you don't see in that way. I commend you for not trying to cross the line w EVERY female you encounter, it's better that way! LOL thanks for the support :)

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