Women Take Responsibility!

Question of the year: Why is it that I constantly hear women running around screaming about how “n*ggas aint shit” and bashing their exes and babies fathers – but never taking any responsibility for choosing that man to be with or father their child?

Now there is a complete difference between:

A. Being with a good man and him just playing you to the left and... 

B. You KNOWING he wasn’t about anything before you got with him and thinking you had the ability to change him and getting mad 6 months or a year later when he cheats on you or you end up pregnant with his child and he leaves the situation. To those that thought they actually had a good man & then later found out that wasn’t the case… this doesn’t necessarily apply to you. To the man bashers… keep reading…

I just think that it is simply unfair and completely wrong for us (as females) to sit around and talk about what the man we are or were dealing with is doing or did and just let it be what it is. Relationships are politics, except you have the one and only vote. If you don’t like how the Mayor, Governor or President is running things in your community or country – you voice your opinion by voting. Same rule applies in a relationship; you have the right to voice your rights and if you don’t like what you’re seeing – impeach him!

There is absolutely no excuse for any woman to be sitting around bashing a man for something he did to her, yet showing him that she is accepting it by taking no action. Where is your responsibility in everything? Or would you rather play the dumb damsel in distress? When you meet a man… in the club, grocery store, church… wherever, from that moment on you are playing 50% in what you allow to happen to you.

Oh and I’m not sure what makes ANY woman think [excuse my French] that her p*ssy is just SO good that it can turn a man from a dog to a gentleman. If he was a dog before you met him and you knew that, if he was a dog to you when you met him and you accepted it… you have no right to complain when you let him become your man and he cheats or your baby’s father and he’s a dead beat.  

Seriously… want better for yourself…

As females, we need to take more responsibility and more time and patience when choosing the man we want to be OUR man. This is why becoming friends FIRST is imperative. Build a strong foundation and be patient when learning about each other. Never think that you will be that “special one” to change this man into what you want him to be. The last girl couldn’t do it, and most likely you won’t be the one to either. Get out of the fantasy world and stop adding to the fatherless generations of children produced day in and day out. I’m just so sick of women pointing all the fingers at men when that was the man you CHOSE to lay down and make that child with. Having a baby by him is not going to keep him around, keep him from cheating, or keep him in the house. If he is a good man, he will be a good man regardless but if you’ve seen the “dog” signs in him… please let him go. By keeping him around all you are doing is adding to the problem. 

Don't Be Shallow Hal

Why some females prefer a "less attractive" man...

Have you ever been out and seen a beautiful female trouncing down the sidewalk holding the hand of a not so attractive guy and wonder… what the hell are those 2 doing together? It happens everyday, and people constantly complain about seeing it. But, why?

I frequently (usually half-jokingly) mention that I have a love and attraction for “ugly men”. Last night I tweeted saying that I am not a shallow person and this is proven by my attraction to less attractive males. Now, to clarify before I get into my opinion on them, I don’t go out in the world searching for a mediocre man. Nor do I purposely date “below” myself to make myself feel better or to raise my esteem. Anyone that knows me knows I have more confidence than a little bit.

A lot of females actually agreed with my opinion and all of the males of course were enthralled with why I felt the way I did. My reasoning behind my comment though is that I’ve been approached by/ gotten to know/dated a pretty wide spectrum of guys with different looks. And I’ve definitely found that no, while not ALL really sexy guys lack in personality, about 75% of them are full of themselves and just not my type. I’ve found that the more mediocre men do seem to have overall better qualities, treat females better and are WAY more humble. Someone asked me how do the “ugly” guys know that they are ugly and do I tell them. Of course not! It’s not necessary. I guess, I shouldn’t actually categorize them as “ugly” because obviously I find many things about them attractive. But to mainstream society I guess they would be “decent” or “mediocre”. In reality, people’s attractiveness and unattractiveness comes down to personality and attitude. There are plenty of females I know that tons of guys will have sex with but no one will date because while they might be a 10 on the outside, their personality is UGLY. They have attitudes, drama and because of their looks think they are God’s gift to everyone. Guys are no different. Many of the really attractive guys I meet are great on the surface, and definitely yummy eye candy. But, once you get down to it, they know they look good and because so many females have jumped hoops and bent over backwards every which way for them, they seem to think everyone is going to do the same. NEGATIVE. They just got marked down 3 points. So as far as I’m concerned, while they might appear to be 10’s – they too are just 6’s or 7’s.

I also think that while a less attractive man might have less to lose and might get less quantity of females – their odds are higher at getting a better QUALITY female. This is because woman like myself will date/give a man a chance who may be a 6 or 7 look wise, but makes up for it in a multitude of areas: they have a great personality, they are more caring, appreciate more, have eclectic style, etc. In the end it’s all about remaining HUMBLE. If you look good, and clearly you KNOW you look good and everyone around can SEE you look good – do you really have to walk around letting everyone know?

Don’t get my words mixed up now – I’m not saying that when a good man that is very attractive comes along I discount him simply because I think he will be a jerk, that’s not the case. It just helps to have an even balance. And if a less attractive man with a wonderful personality comes along, I would take him over the conceited stank attitude man, ANY day. I will end the same way I ended the convo last night: “For the record, I don’t actually go after unattractive men. It’s just usually how my attraction works out. And for the record -- I’m not sure why all of you guys are automatically categorizing yourselves as attractive. Be careful, you might fit in the “ugly” category too!” *wink*

Bag Lady: Learning to LET GO of All That Baggage

Just like a new purse or piece of luggage, the “emotional baggage” we carry in our lives comes in all shapes, forms and characters. It can be an old relationship you’re holding onto, maybe it’s an ISSUE from the relationship that you just can’t let go of, a fight you had with friends that you’re holding a grudge on one of them for, something your parents did (or didn’t do) when raising you, a regret you may have with yourself… among many other things. No matter the type, size, or condition of the bags – sometimes it’s just time to buy some new stuff. Revamp your image a little and feel good about having something new… a new beginning. Similar to the problems everyone goes through in life, the daily bags that you carry can eventually just weigh you down and prevent you from having your eyes open to something positive right in front of you. Erykah Badu expressed it best in her song “Bag Lady” & her lyrics below are a prime example of what I mean about baggage…

“Bag lady you gon’ miss your bus, 

You can't hurry up, cause you got too much stuff
When they see you coming, N*ggas take off running... 

From you it's true oh yes they do”  --Erykah Badu

B-R-O-K-E-N    D-O-W-N:

“Bag lady you gon’ miss your bus” – meaning, you are going to miss an opportunity for something in life when it’s right in front of you

“You can’t hurry up, cause you got too much stuff” – you can’t run to catch the bus (achieve something, get the man of your dreams, get that promotion at work you want) because you are carrying too much baggage… the baggage is blocking your view of something right in front of you and weighing you down preventing you from being able to reach out and grab that goal of yours

“When they see you coming, n*ggas take off running” – who wants someone who has a whole lot of baggage? Whether you are trying to start a new relationship or meet a new friend… people have enough issues of their own, why would they want to start something that should be fresh and positive with someone who is bringing so much negative to the start of something?

The moral is: take a few minutes out of your “busy” life and think about the amount of baggage you are carrying around on a daily basis. How long have you been carrying some of those bags? Weeks? Months? Maybe even years? It’s unnecessary, unhealthy and really just pathetic. If you need to forgive someone for something, you have to forgive yourself first… start at the root of the problem and put your pride to the side. Think about WHY it’s necessary for you to still be upset with them and what good it’s doing in your life. Do you think they are sitting around thinking about you the same way? Most likely… no (and if they are, let them WASTE their time). You are causing damage to your spirit by not allowing yourself to forgive and forget things. You have this weight on your shoulders that brings down your overall mood because while you might smile on the outside, something is constantly bugging you on the inside. You cannot truly begin a new relationship or grasp an opportunity without having a clear focus and not bringing old issues into something that should really be refreshing. Your man (or girl) does not want to hear about allllllllllll of the negative things from a past relationship… all you are proving is that you have tons of baggage and are not really over your past. So today, take each piece of baggage you own, open it, search through it's contents and throw away what you do not need. Embrace the good, get rid of the bad & allow yourself to embrace what is right in front of you… that’s all it takes!

Let it go, let it go, let it go… 

Embrace – Don’t Hate: Diary of a [constantly] Angry Black Woman

What would the diary of a [constantly] angry black woman with a permanent attitude look like? What type of scenarios would she encounter on a daily basis? What type of people would she attract?

Well for one… she would probably be the type of girl (yes, “girl” because as a woman you have put childish acts & unnecessary drama behind you) that always walked around telling everyone that she “doesn’t get along with females” and the couple of “friends” that she does actually have probably act just like her, if not worse. She probably goes to work (if she has a job) and does the bare minimum and every time she is asked to do something, she gives a whole bunch of LIP… IF she has a man, she’s constantly nagging him and even though he’s a good guy, she’s always accusing him of doing something and nothing he does is ever right or good enough for her. She’s always the first one complaining and the last one taking action to correct whatever is going wrong. She spends her extra waking moments talking shit about other people and hating on other women, and before she goes to sleep at night when she looks in the mirror at herself – she’s probably completely unhappy with what she sees (because to genuinely share good feelings for and with another person, you have to feel good feelings for yourself FIRST). 

-- sound like you, or someone you know? Keep reading -- 

So, why is it that women are SO quick to hate on one another? Why are there just some women in the world that are so EVIL and NEGATIVE that even if you handed them the world on a silver platter, would just never be happy? I’m convinced it’s an epidemic. I’ve witnessed a pretty girl walk by someone and all her & her friends can do is tear her down. The girl was on point, hair done, pretty face, body tight, cute outfit & rocking some BAD heels… But yet the first comment out of one of the girls mouths was “Ugh she thinks she’s cute” – or “Her hair isn’t real”, etc, etc… so many women are quick to rip each other apart when they sense someone is competition to them. This is a sign of inferiority, symptoms of jealously and definitely a whole lot of insecurity. It is impossible for someone who doesn’t truly feel confident in themselves and what they have to offer to feel GENUINE happiness for other people.  I’m sure we all have that friend that no matter WHAT you say to them about accomplishments going on in your life, they have to one up you and tell you what they are doing that is SOOO much better. Yep. That fits the insecure checklist too. Most likely, she’s probably friends with the girl I described first above. But, just know… the girl that walked by, you know the one that got hated ON – she has her stuff together, she’s happy, complete and full of life… oh AND the good man (that the negative girl is searching endlessly for) the positive girl's got him. Because she’s comfortable with herself and she knows that there will ALWAYS be someone better, prettier, freakier, richer, etc… but to TRULY be happy, you have to accept what you have, have confidence in it, and enjoy YOUR own life. The rest will fall into place naturally.

I will just never understand why so much negative energy is invested in hating on each other. Sitting on the metro yesterday I just watched the dynamics of groups of white people and black people (not to make this an issue of race, but this is just what I observed) – a group of white people introducing new friends to each other, shaking hands, sharing jokes, conversations about work, and in the end, they exchanged business cards with each other – Ding! Ding! Ding! – CONNECTIONS & NEW ASSOCIATES! Yet, time and time again, I see this situation replayed among black women and the closed-mindedness of them doesn’t allow them to even get as far as a simple conversation. We have got to do better ladies!! We need to work to build each other up and pull each other to the top instead of hating and spreading negative energy. If you see a woman with her hair looking good, COMPLIMENT her! Ask her where she got it done, so you can look just as nice. If you see a woman doing something positive with her life, don’t be JEALOUS! Ask how you can contribute and maybe she can help you work your way to that point. Use every opportunity in a positive way and you will reap positive rewards. Don’t nag your boyfriend about every little thing; pick and choose your battles! APPRECIATE him and what he does; our black males need to be built up because the world is constantly tearing them down (without any of that from us).

I could go on & on about this topic but seriously – remember KARMA is a never ending circle. You put positive energy into the world, it will return to you. And you never know who is witnessing your attitude… so from today on… 
EMBRACE, don’t hate :)

Ladies, just give sports a TRY!

Today is a perfect crisp (almost) fall day with a nice breeze and some sunshine. Feels like football season to me!! In light of tonight being the official kickoff of the football season, I’ve decided to do a little convincing to women that they should give sports a chance. I know it’s hard to sit there and watch your man and his friends watch endless hours of football, basketball, boxing, soccer, whatever… but it’s necessary! The same way we can step foot in a mall and visit EVERY SINGLE store and try on countless amounts of clothing and shoes and feel completely satisfied with our day equates to how men feel about sports. I know sometimes we feel we come 2^nd priority to sports and spend hours during the sports seasons feeling pretty neglected by our men, but try looking at it a little different and giving it a try.

In my opinion sports doesn’t interest many women because it wasn’t pushed on us as a child, no one was constantly there putting a football or basketball in our hands and pushing us to have an aggressive nature. Whereas, to men this is 2^ndnature… it’s a natural part of their being. I grew up watching my little brother play all types of sports, in particular football… so I’m a little biased with my love for them. However, there are actually a few perks to watching sports if you’re not “into” the games like that. I mean who doesn’t like the game atmosphere or seeing sexy sweaty men running around in tight pants tackling each other? LOL.

No but really, sports actually aren’t all that bad. There’s a lot to learn but once you get the hang of the basics and keep up with the games it’s actually a great feeling to know that you understand what you’re watching, like learning a new subject. It gives you a chance to become familiar with something new you might have never thought about getting into. Guys are impressed with a girl who might not necessarily UNDERSTAND what they are watching, but are at least willing to try for their man. If he’s willing to stand around with you for hours holding your bags while you shop; it would be a pretty nice gesture for you to at least try to watch/learn a game or two with him. If you’re into cooking, make some nice snacks and get some beer or his favorite drink for the game and surprise him by actually trying to understand what you’re watching. It’s also pretty cool if you two aren’t into the same team so there’s a little rivalry. It’s all in fun and any good man would appreciate his woman trying to be into something he loves. Plus, by watching some games with him, you get to get some quality time in together, which is what you really want anyway. A little goes a long way! HAIL REDSKINS!! :) *RIP #21*