How Soon is "too soon" to Move On?

Recently, I was talking to someone and they made a comment about the moving on time in relationships -- suggesting that there was “too quick” of a time for someone to be dating someone new after breaking up with their last partner. So, does the relationship manual of life set a time that is okay and socially acceptable to be dating a new person after a break-up, or is it just something each person has to gauge for themselves?

For starters… I don’t think it’s okay to follow what is socially okay simply for the acceptance of society; I’m all about doing what makes YOU happy. Meaning: NO there is not a set time that you have to have between one relationship to another because it’s a made up rule. I think a lot of timing in relationships is about comfort levels and the depth that your relationship transpires at. Everyone moves at their own rate in terms of opening up to someone and getting comfortable. In some situations you and someone just click instantly so you grow together quicker. The amount of time you all spend together matters too. For example, you could meet someone and get to spend every waking moment together from the day you meet, or you could meet someone and only get to see them once a week. This slows down the process of building a consistent bond. And then other factors like what you all are both looking for at the time when you meet, past baggage, etc… play into the situation as well.

Your relationship with the last person could have been going on for 2 years but you got cheated on a year into the relationship and stayed with the person for the sake of love and “making it work”… technically your heart was out of it the moment you found out you got cheated on and you knew that soon it was naturally going to come to an end. Or let’s say you and your partner live in two different places and you all are holding on to the last thread of your long distance relationship. One of you all has started getting close to someone else (not that I condone it, but it happens) – a couple months later you break up with them finally realizing it had been over. In these situations, the time it takes to move on to someone else seems short because in all actuality your heart has been out of the first situation before you even entered the second – whether you were actually in a relationship with the person or not.

Other times, moving on happens naturally, over time and can happen quicker just depending on the timing of things. I think the important thing is just making sure you aren’t using the 2nd relationship as a rebound. Don’t jump from one thing to another for the sake of having someone around. Not okay. If you were the one who got broken up with, you should probably take a little bit more time to get over the person because it wasn’t your decision to end the relationship… so your heart is most likely still attached. If it was a bad break-up, I also say give it a little time just for the sake of understanding mistakes that were made so that they are not made again in the new relationship.

At the end of the day, if it feels right to you and your partner… do you! You two are the only people in your relationship and the only thoughts that matter when it comes down to it. Friends and outsiders are going to make comments or judge if they think you are moving too quickly but ultimately if it feels right… embrace the feeling :)

Cutting People Off: Why It’s Best for Everyone

Knowing how to properly cut someone off can be useful in various situations:

Everyone knows that when talking to (or “dating”) a bunch of different people… eventually you find one that moves up the list pretty quickly and over the others. It’s pretty inevitable that if you are dating 5 people at once, probably about 2 of them are just people that you can kick it with but don’t have much potential for more, 1 of them is pretty fun but you all don’t chill very often and haven’t gotten that close and then maybe 1 is the one that you see potential in but still wants to live the single life and you’re closer to settling down – then there’s the ONE – the one that you could definitely see longevity with, you have tons of fun with and you’re getting closer to it just being exclusive with them.

Or maybe you have the lingering ex that you just can’t get rid of and you don’t want your communication with him/her to jeopardize something you are building with the new person you’re “talking to”.

In each scenario it comes down to efficient communication. If you are serious about the new person you are dating, and you see a future with them – there is no reason to keep the old baggage around.

In the case of other people you were talking to, you and them haven’t moved forward to become something closer for a reason. Either you two aren’t as compatible or they aren’t ready for this point. You can’t force them to get there so why not stick with what is making you happy. If the new person you are dating thinks that you two are mutually moving towards something exclusive, it’s not fair to them to have all of these people lingering around. And really, most of the time other people are kept around is out of fear and safety. Fear that the new person might do something wrong or stop talking to us and safety because it feels safe to have more people to deal with rather than just one… for the “just in case”. Talk to the other people you were dating and let them know that you are working towards building something serious with someone and you can’t see them on that level anymore. You would like to remain friends but that’s the level it has to be kept at from this point forward.

If you have the ex lingering around… make sure either the new person knows about them and you alls potential to possibly get back together or… get rid of them! They are your ex for a reason and if you all have potential to get back together, in my opinion, it’s only right that the other person know what type of situation they are dealing with or have gotten themselves into. If you honestly have no intention of getting back with your ex, why keep them around? It’s not fair on both parts – to the ex: because you are letting them think there is still a chance and to the new person: because you aren’t being completely honest and OMITTING information is just as bad as lying. The same thing applies here, communicate with them and don’t allow their feelings to make you feel bad or guilty. If you all are truly over, then while they might not understand – they have no choice but to respect that you have moved on and are no longer dealing with them.

Make everyone’s lives easier (including yours) and be open and honest from day one… that way 6 months down the road when you want to actually be in a relationship with that person, no one’s feelings are hurt… or at least if they are, they can’t say you never told them!