broken & empty

Today’s MENU: a full serving of love, or... heart.ache

[With Kanye’s 808’s & heartbreak on heavy rotation] I am about to address a touching & highly debated topic… love.

My feelings on love are more on the positive side despite the fact that I like to wallow in sad love songs, my opinion on love is actually that it is one of the scariest, realist feelings you will even confront in your life. It can take you to heights you’ve never reached and lows you never thought you could hit and would never want to hit again. It’s something that is beautiful but at the same time something you have to walk on eggshells around. It’s hard to find the right words to actually describe the 4 letter word. I guess that’s why it’s a “feeling”. It’s just something you have to experience for yourself bc everyone feels it differently. For me, it is the most indescribable and unsure feeling I have ever felt, but its unconditional and that's how I knew it was real.

Now heart ache, that’s a little different… Heart ache is something that's unfair and selfish bc it steals whatever feelings of love you had and even when there is just something barely hanging on by a strand, oh yeah... it takes those too. I have plenty of angry & aggressive thoughts about that. I guess bc of past experiences & my views on how you end up at that point. & I guess bc it’s the rock bottom point of love, the point when all the drugs have run out, & you’re going through serious withdrawal but you really want to get off of this drug, and kick the bad habit, but for some reason --- it’s addictive.

I treat them all the same
So I don't end up hurt
& then no one is to blame
For the emptiness that consumes my heart
A C H E . . .
That's what I feel
From previous relations where I gave my all
And in the end nothing even mattered
At all
So I gotta keep up this wall
& hide the way I feel
So then no one is to blame
And I don't end up hurt
That's why I treat them all the same

But tell me, is it wrong?
When I'm the one left empty
Left tearing up to sad love songs
(I know I'm dramatic) but It's torture
& you can't tell me anything because it's something you have NEVER
EVER had to endure
But that is why I'm slow to love
Quick to judge
And slow to rush
Into something new
Or back to something old
And that is why I change my mind
Back and forth

Left and right
Time and time
Again
Because who knows who is truly there
Or who actually cares
I just know
That no one will be to blame
& I won't end up hurt
As long as I
Treat them all the same

until the next dish --- ♥ ART