A Simple Thank You.


thank you for jumping into my world. read. share. live mindfully. laugh often. seek balance. choose happiness. love life. -- XOX ♥ msamarse

3.31.2011

Dishing MOTIVATION: I Think I Can!

Today started pretty shitty. I had a chip on my shoulder which rolled over from yesterday and it didn’t help that the weather is “blah”, which made my mood even more “BLAH” and I just wasn’t feeling anything at all. But after reading something that moved me a little, I began to turn around. As usual I decided I would redirect my energy. So I made a few phone calls to get some email addresses for a venture of mine and ended up landing a meeting with someone… pretty big. Now I feel better. I channeled my negative, “blah” energy into something positive that I’d been meaning to do for some time now and it turned out great.

I always start my day thinking “I’m going to make today GREAT” – but it doesn’t always happen that way. Sometimes, I let OTHERS take my good, positive energy and I’m left with nothing to invest in myself. Granted, I realize… I give them too much power. So, just wanted to share that little vent session with you all and maybe if your day is “BLAH” and you need a little motivation, remember, it all starts from within. Whatever (or WHOever) is bugging you or bringing you down isn't worth it. *REDIRECT AND CHANNEL YOUR ENERGY INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE AND BENEFICIAL FOR YOURSELF*

& just like the little engine that could “I think I can! I think I can!” – and on that note… up the hill I go ;)

3.29.2011

5 TRUE reasons “not everyone should go natural”

As a woman who has had both permed hair and natural hair during my lifetime, I’m OVER hearing that “going natural isn't for everyone.” Who IS it for then? People with “good hair” only? I recently read a quotation by a natural blogger who said, “If you were supposed to have anything but that, then you would have it.” Meaning – you weren't born with bone straight hair growing out of your scalp for a reason. Who are you to tell anyone that they shouldn't wear their hair in its natural state?

I've only been natural (no chemicals) for 3 years now so I have experienced both sides of the spectrum. I got my first perm at 15 because I wanted to fit in with all of the other little girls running around with straight flowing hair, so I begged and begged my parents to let me get one. Prior to that I was getting my hair pressed and curled faithfully every Sunday evening. During college I made the decision to go natural and bc’d (big chopped) in August of 2008. Over the past 3 years I’ve witnessed women go natural successfully and others go from perms to natural and back to perms again. During this time I’ve also come to the conclusion that YES people are correct “not everyone can go natural.” But not for the reasons others give… below I explain my 5 reasons why not:

They let OTHERS tell them they can’t

People are always concerned with what other people think about them, what about what YOU think? You dress up to look cute for OTHER females to judge you on if you think you’re TOO cute or if you’re not cute ENOUGH for their liking. You make sure everything is perfect enough so that a guy won’t think you’re fast but show just enough to catch an eye. You worry about what your Caucasian co-workers are going to think because your hair is different from theirs. Forget outsiders, some of our own friends and parents look at us crazy or don’t show support towards certain ideas of ours. When is the last time you stopped caring and made a decision for you? No matter how you wear your hair or what outfit you throw on, someone is judging. You are always going to be stuck with yourself, so at least let them judge on something you are comfortable with and be true to you and what makes you happy.

It’s not socially ACCEPTABLE in our society

There are certain lines that have been drawn in society by people on what defines what is okay and what’s not okay and unfortunately natural hair comes TOO close to that line. You rarely see celebs and actresses wearing their hair in its natural state for that very reason. That’s where pushing the line and self-definition come into play. Society also once said that black wasn’t beautiful and that fuller figured women couldn’t be on TV and we see how that’s changed. You have to be comfortable with SELF first before you can take on society and that’s a big challenge to conquer within itself before even considering going natural.

They have been brainwashed by European standards of “BEAUTY”

When you have relaxed hair, it’s easy to manage because it’s pretty much always straight. You hop in the shower, wash, blow dry and flat iron. When you go natural, you have to let go of the European standard of “beauty” and acknowledge that every strand of your hair is now different. You’ll have some big curls, some tighter curls and some that are not curly at all – all on the same head. The texture is what MAKES the natural hair so beautiful and different. If you can’t handle that or the fact that your hair may now seem “imperfect”, then being natural isn’t for you.

Aren't willing to put in the WORK  it takes to be natural

When you make the decision to go natural – that’s when the true work begins. It’s about taking the time to learn YOUR new hair type, what works best with it and treat it right. What someone else says is a great product may not be so for your hair and the most expensive product may also not be your best bet. It takes time to develop a hair routine that works and produces the results you want to see. It is also a true test of PATIENCE (especially if you big chopped). Many people expect to see instant results and growth and while it is growing healthier and stronger, it’s all based on the care you are giving it; similar to a plant. That goes for relaxed hair too, but natural hair is coarser, so with neglect, tangles can make your hair more susceptible to breakage. You have to see the end goal and WORK towards it. Don’t go natural unless you’re going to invest the time, money and energy!

Never had to take care of the NATURAL state of their hair

If you’ve been relaxed more than half of your life, it’s likely that you’ve NEVER even seen or had to deal with your hair in its natural state. If this is the case, then it can be a big shock and even discourage you when you finally see it and it have no idea how this works. Blogs and youtube videos dedicated to naturals can definitely be a helpful resource to get support and learn about your new found hair. It also helps if you have at least 1 person in your support system backing you. It can be frustrating and there are times when you are going to want to give up and perm your hair again but trust me, it’s not worth it! Just like you had to learn everything you know now, this is another challenge to take HEAD ON with confidence!

So there you have it... my 5 true reasons that not everyone should go natural. Remember that every hair style is just that… a STYLE, and everyone has things they are comfortable with and things that are too farfetched for them. If going natural just isn’t in your favor, then by all means, steer clear. But if you've wanted to take the natural plunge or just feeling frustrated with your tresses, I hope this has inspired you to love yourself, know that you’re beautiful and you define your own standards and EMBRACE the natural :) 

3.24.2011

Don't Act Like a Hoe & Wonder Why...

So, I’m well aware that everyone is entitled to their own opinion when it comes to just about everything… especially how certain females should be treated in terms of how they portray themselves. There are people who side with the opinion that if a female is dressed like a hoe – she should be treated as such. Then there are those who argue that a female should be able to dress and act any way she wants and not have to worry about the harassment or comments that come with that. And maybe they are right. But then I pose the question: can those types of females get angry or feel slighted when no one will wife them? (Well, I’m sure SOMEONE out there will, but not a decent dude like they want to end up with.)

I say… it comes with the territory.

We all remember a few months back when Ines Sainz – female television reporter – was interviewing Mark Sanchez of the NY Jets and had "cat calls and rude comments" made at her and also had a football thrown at her in their locker room. But, it was no secret that Sainz often wore risqué outfits that showed off her breasts and tush when interviewing athletes. Later it was also reported that she took half naked pictures that were floating around the internet and can also be found on her "professional" website. She wants to be viewed as a professional journalist, yet posts almost nude photos on what is supposed to be her PROFESSIONAL website. So, how should we label her?

Time and time again (like EVERY "titty tuesday" on Twitter) -- I see females posting these naked photos of themselves. In just the last week alone I've seen tons of "respectable" females hit Miami and other beaches for Spring Break and take on a whole new persona with retweeted pictures of them topless on the beach and other nameless acts that I'm sure they will soon come to regret in a few years. Now, I love to party and have fun... so I'm not discounting that, but I am passing judgment on the girls who do this stuff and then question why no one takes them seriously and no man wants to be with them. HELLO! I just have to sit back and shake my head because some of them seriously don't get it. You "smash the homies", go to parties and do anything and everything to be the center of attention for all the men there and show up half naked everywhere, yet YOU WONDER WHY no man will claim you as his girlfriend? Men care very much about their public image and how others will view them for being the one to “wife the hoe”. Have you not learned that men talk? If not... learn quickly!

So ultimately, of course you'll have guys trying to hang out with you -- because based on what he's seen or heard of you, you're easy… and maybe your personality is cool. So he thinks he has a chance. But when it comes down to it, any respectable man with decent morals and character traits would absolutely never make you his girlfriend. Let's not even get into marriage! It's sad because some of these chics really AREN'T the sluts that they display themselves as... but regardless of what you ACTUALLY do behind closed doors, this is what people see of you every day on campus, in the office or among friends. You wake up every day and decide what image you are going to give of yourself to those around you and unfortunately you are judged on those actions each and every day.

So stop wondering, "Why?"

Why do you think you deserve anything more? That's like Kim K getting upset because no one will put a ring on it. UH, Kimmy did you forget that little tape you did a few years back? She showed the WORLD everything in her sex tape. No one even gets to guess what her body looks like naked or what type of “love faces” she makes. Let men use their imagination. Let them dream a little. Keep them guessing. Giving it all at once is no fun and if he can just get on the Internet and see it all... what do you THINK he thinks of you? So next time you have to question a man on his motives or wonder why you can't get a decent guy or ever have a boyfriend... how about you question YOURSELF about "why" you choose to portray yourself in that manner and maybe that will help you answer those questions.

3.22.2011

The Perfect One... For Someone Else


Ever fallen head over heels for someone and lusted over their ever word just to find out they have absolutely no interest ever having any type of serious relationship with you? Maybe you’ve played the other side and been the one to lead someone on intentionally or maybe unknowingly. No matter which side you’ve played – someone involved ends up with hurt feelings in the situation. But like I always tell my friends, “Everyone isn’t for everyone.”

You could meet the most perfect person in the world one night – the girl that watches football, cooks all your favorite foods and gets along perfectly with all of your boys or the guy that brings you flowers simply because it’s Tuesday, always wants to cuddle and listens attentively to all of your wants and needs. Sounds ideal right? Each of you all’s personalities are great… separately. This is the only thing that lies between you all ever becoming an item. Everyone has their own preferences and qualities they want in their “prototype”. This is the exact same reason why we can meet someone on campus or at a party and get to know them and find 10 things about them that just aren’t right. Then we can run into them 2 years later and see them happily in love with someone else. We wonder… “What does he see in her?” or “She’s a better one than me to put up with him than me!”

But we have to remember the things we saw as “flaws” in that person might be seamless personality traits to another. You can’t necessarily take things you didn’t like in the person and fault it on them as being not a good catch. Everyone always says “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife”, – but that’s a MYTH, because I’ve seen plenty of girls I know that have been here, there and everywhere else and eventually suckered some man enough into being her boyfriend. It happens every day. The same way “everyone isn’t for everyone”… there is also someone for everyone, somewhere in the world.

The problem is a lot of people try to force 2 wrong puzzle pieces together or guilt themselves into sticking around.    You can’t force something for the sake of the time you all have been together or dealing with each other and it doesn’t help to use the fact that the person gives you gifts or has a charming personality as a reason to stay. If you don’t feel that connection with them you know it in your gut…so let them go be where they can be 100% fulfilled. You owe it to them and to yourself to achieve complete happiness with the right person and if you know in the long run you don’t want to make it anything serious, why lead them on? There are many elements involved in creating an ideal relationship situation. Sometimes you can meet the most perfect person ever but there’s just something about them that doesn’t fit. Whether it’s the timing, habits of the person, family or friend issues or the interaction of you two… all of those elements play into the relationship despite perfect personalities. So if you see that you have “the perfect one”, but something doesn’t feel right… maybe they are the perfect one… for someone else.

3.11.2011

My Hair Care Challenge: 2 weeks in!

Last week I blogged about my Hair Care Challenge – I'm very excited about the commitment I have made with myself to give my hair the BEST care possible. It’s up to you to make the decision to treat your hair better, use better products and give the best overall treatment for the best overall results – soft, manageable hair that retains LENGTH! How long can you go without the use of heat? I’m 2 weeks in… Follow along and join me on my hair care challenge… STAY TUNED! 


3.10.2011

Who are YOU in the World?

As we have ve learned since we were young, there are those that lead and those that follow, and you get to decide which category you want to fit in as a member of society. You can be the type to jump on all the next big things just because you see everyone else doing it and change yourself and your appearance with the blow of the wind or you can set your own standard, march to your own beat and be comfortable being YOU.

With the followers, it all comes down to insecurity. The followers are so frightened for the world to see the true them that they hide behind a mask and a facade they put on for the public – like an actor on stage. Most of the time you wonder, “Do these people even know themselves?” These are the “grown women” that title themselves “Fancy”, a “Bad bish”, or “Miss Independent”. Not that it’s a bad thing to be confident in yourself, it’s more about them being the type that have to proclaim themselves through a song lyric or a celeb. All of the Nikki Minaj “Barbies” of the world and the Amber Rose wannabes that shaved off all of their hair are prime examples of others. The males that “took over” 2009 with all of their “swag” and jumped from Nike Boots to Polo Boots, Gucci to Louie (accessories of course bc many of them don’t have much else). The guys we shake our head at as they walk around spending their entire paycheck for the week in the club, the ones that have the freshest car but still live with their mother. Seriously. Priorities?

Meanwhile the leaders of the world are focused; they aren’t on Twitter all day TALKING about grinding. They’re making their mark on the world and doing it their way. They don’t have to worry about what people think about them because they don’t have enough down time to really care. And despite what trend the rest of the world is on, they are comfortable enough that they can start their own.

I just think it’s a shame that people can’t be comfortable in their own skin. I’m tired of walking through the mall and seeing everyone striving to “keep up with the Jones’”. I cringe at the chicks that have the freshest weave and new red bottom shoes dragging around their snotty nose child with the unbrushed hair. If spending all your money on a table @ the club on Friday night is “you”, then by all means… continue. But if you’re walking around flaunting money, please don’t be mad when all you attract is gold diggers. You all are one in the same. While you’re running around trying to flaunt your money and fake accessories, she’s dropping her baby off to be babysat to go to the club search to for a “baller” to pay her bills. It’s always been said that “being copied is the biggest form of flattery” -- unfortunately, there are way too many people that copy others and not in a flattering way. If you’re 25 still playing JUCO ball, I’ll be the one to crush your dreams… it’s too late! If you’re modeling lingerie all over your fb page and call yourself a “model”, sorry but you will never be the next Tyra. Strive to be something better than what EVERYONE else already is, those roles are taken.

There are 2 places in the world. Get in where you fit in... 

Leader or Follower. Who are YOU in the world?