Social Networking and Relationships

Back in the day, relationships had to be so much simpler. There were so many less layers to things and so much has been added to the mix since. It’s funny because my mom always jokes with me about how much things have changed even in terms of the defining lines of being in a relationship. It’s so much more acceptable now to just be “talking to him” or “messing with her” – back then, either you were in a relationship or you weren't… there was no in between. And then, what about social networking? This adds a whole new element to the relationship. Is it okay to follow your bf/gf on twitter? Should you announce to all of Facebook when you get in a relationship?


Personally, I say no. If you followed your boyfriend or girlfriend prior to the relationship, then let it stay that way. When you first enter a relationship, it’s not necessary to go announce it to the world. Now, I do think that when asked by someone or if it comes up – it should be known, but it’s not needed to shout it to the world as soon as it happens. If you do follow your boyfriend or girlfriend on twitter, do it for the right reasons. Just like a cell phone, don’t go snooping in the conversations being had between them and other people because it comes down to if you trust them or not. If you have to go snoop and look for stuff and trust is lacking, you should be questioning your relationship from the beginning anyway. Similarly, just because someone doesn’t announce on Facebook that they are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that they AREN’T in one. Some people like to keep their information like that personal and prefer to keep their relationship secretive and out of the lime light. If that has been discussed between them, then that’s just it… there is no rule that letting the world know really makes it OFFICIAL.

I think that since they became popular, social networking sites have definitely caused problems in peoples relationships because most of the time people ALLOW them to. If you read too much into the #ineedagirlwho trending topic your man is tweeting about on Twitter, or you see a comment saying “Hey hun how are you” from a male on your girl’s wall on Facebook and flip out – you are allowing unnecessary things to cause problems in your relationship. As I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs, “The Title is for the Public” – if you are only basing your love and affection from your partner based on his mentions towards you on Twitter or comments on your wall, you should probably reevaluate your relationship, because it sounds like all you are worried about is what the public is seeing of you all.

Ultimately, it comes down to how both of you all feel. If you all are both okay with putting that you are in a relationship on Twitter or following and tweeting each other on Twitter… then that most likely means it hasn’t caused a problem yet and shouldn’t. Just like anything else, the problem can be as big or small as you make it… Social networking is supposed to be fun, if used the right way… so don’t allow it to be anything more than what it was intended for in your relationship either.

Dishing My Review: For Colored Girls

Sunday, I went to see the Tyler Perry movie -- "For Colored Girls", based on the play “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf” by Ntozake Shange.

A lot of people kept saying how sad and depressing it was but I actually never dropped a tear and I’m usually a CRIER! So, before I went I googled the play to get a little overview of exactly how the suicide and rainbow came into play. Basically, each color in the rainbow is representative of each woman in the play and they each have a separate stories about their lives that are  shared through out  the play. 

So, yes while it was definitely dramatic (as Tyler Perry movies normally are) – it was also very REAL. I kept seeing a number of tweets saying how depressing it was but every account in the movie comes from a real life stand point and I know firsthand plenty of women who have been through things that the movie addressed. The movie dealt with abortion, rape, married men on the down low and AIDS, STDs, post war alcohol abuse, domestic abuse, holding onto a dead relationship, religion, mother daughter relationships, family molestation, and overall, the subtle connection that all black women share. I appreciated every single issue covered because unfortunately in our families and in our community, many people do not bring up or talk about these issues and solutions to them enough.

Many men felt (as they usually do with Tyler Perry movies) that they were “bashed” as usual and the movie gave good men in the world no credit. Well, that was pretty much the case, but this time, this wasn’t Tyler’s work. The film did not show a lot of positivity towards black males, but then again, despite the fact that there are good men left, a lot of our communities are still suffering and plighted by the issues that were addressed in the movie. Whether there are good black men still out in the world or not is beside the point when these issues are so dominant and often overlooked and ignored. I just feel like if you are truly a GOOD black male, you don’t need a movie to give you credit – for what? If you are TRULY a good man, you do your part regardless and aren’t looking for a handout, pat on the back or cookie for what you do. But, if you are a black male that feels this way about the movie – then do your part in the community to help others and get these issues heard and make sure that when you marry, you raise your daughter to RECOGNIZE the good black men and your son to BE a good black man.

I particularly enjoyed the poetic segments throughout the movie – which I know not everyone would like because some people just don’t “get” stuff like that. You definitely had to pay close attention to the words of the poems, and even I need to watch the movie again to pick up on some of the metaphors that were used. I also liked how in the beginning each of the women lived a separate life and went about their business each and every day (as most of us out here do) and in the end; they ended up intertwined because they shared so many similarities they initially had no idea about. This goes to show that each day as you walk by your sister in the grocery store, or pass each other on the metro going to work, you truly have NO idea what she could be dealing with or going through. People use smiles, laughter and make up to cover up a lot. As I sat in the theater, I had goosebumps because the bond of black women is undefined and unspoken. Each of us has our own struggles in life – some more extreme than others – but in the end, we share one single strand of similarity: being an African American woman, and that is something that no one else can take from us, no one else can identify with and no one else will truly understand until they walk in our shoes.

Be His Girlfriend, Not His Mom

This morning on the way into work, I received a text from my friend telling me my next blog topic was being talked about on a radio show. I turned and listened, trying to pick up the conversation and see what they were talking about. I heard female callers, calling in talking about how they take care of their man too much and some saying they liked taking care of their man because they like to be in control. In essence, the question of the day was – how much is TOO much, in terms of taking care of your man?

Some of the women calling in were mentioning that they enjoyed taking care of their man because it let them be in control of things. Other women complained that it was a love/hate thing: they loved taking care of their man, but hated having to do everything. The men mostly had a different opinion that no man should be taken care of by any woman, no matter what. Now, when they say “take care of”, I got out of it that they meant – doing everything for their man, from buying him things, cooking, cleaning, reminding him things, to wiping his ass (just kidding, but I’m sure there are women who almost wish they could, just because it allows them to control the situation and know what’s going on smh).

I think there is a thin line between A. taking care of your man in the sense of being his partner and working WITH him and B. the extreme of playing mother to him to the point where you end up babying him. It’s okay to show love to and appreciate him, in terms of showing support for what he enjoys, compromising and even sometimes knowing when to be submissive. If you are constantly following behind him and his every move, picking up after him, double checking to make sure he's done things... that's ridiculous.

Personally, I was raised in a way and am attracted to a “manly man”. So, while I don’t have a problem doing stuff myself, I still believe that men should be the fixer uppers of the house and women should cook and take care of certain other things. This is not to say that women can’t take the trash out or come home one day to a home cooked meal from their man or when she cooks, he can’t help out by washing the dishes, helping to do laundry, change the kids diapers, etc. I just believe in the traditional household, so I don’t think women should play into the whole overly “independent woman” cop-out. A relationship is a PARTNERSHIP – each person puts in their part and sometimes the woman will NEED the man, just like other times the man will NEED the woman.

If you have to constantly be in control of what your man or woman is doing, you might want to reconsider a relationship right now because that is not how it works. No one should be with someone who LETS them pay for everything or allows them to take on all of the responsibilities of the relationship. How long do you think that will actually work? There is no way that anyone you are considering for a long term partner should allow everything to fall into your lap. Every man was born from the womb of ONE woman -- their mother and unless you are her, there are some things you just should not have to do for him. It becomes easy for him to become used to something if it's something you started out doing from the beginning. Cater to your man, HELP him if he needs it, support his goals – but don’t enable him as a man by doing everything for him. Each person needs to play their part in terms of responsibility and more importantly accountability. So, sorry... I just can’t respect any man that allows a woman to do EVERYTHING for him – 2010 or not.

The conTEXT of Drunk Texts

It’s Saturday night and everyone’s out partying having a great time, drinks are flowing and the dance floor is packed. The party lasts all night and you wake up the next morning wondering how you even made it home. You stumble downstairs and grab some cold water and toast and plop down on the couch to catch some of Sunday’s football games. When you check your phone you see a series of texts that you don’t even remember sending between you and your ex about how you miss her…

… Or females, how about drunk texting the guy you’re really interested in but don’t want to come off too forward to. FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

Oh, the infamous “drunk texts”… we’ve all been there, it’s happened to the best of us. But, how should they be taken by the receiver? Do we read drunken texts (or bbms) as people say we should – “a drunk persons words are a sober man’s thoughts” OR do we just ignore them and not take them serious because they can’t man up and say it to us when they are sober anyway?

Ehh. No one wants to sit there and have to read between the lines trying to figure out if the person is serious or not. There are different types of drunk people: those that just embellish their thoughts a little when they drink, and those that become completely different people. If you are the type that sends crazy or obnoxious messages when you get drunk, maybe you should leave your phone in your purse or in the car – or erase your ex’s number so there’s no chance of it happening. If you wake up in the morning and find that you had a whole convo of drunk texting with someone and said some things you probably shouldn’t have, clear it up by letting them know you were drunk and said some things you normally wouldn’t.

If you are the receiver of constant drunken 4 am texts – set some boundaries and don’t text them back. Let the person sending the texts know that you can’t take their texts seriously and if they are really trying to get to you know, that’s definitely not the way to do it.

I personally just don’t entertain the drunk calls, texts or anything else. I do think it is about reading in between certain lines though. For instance, if the person never hits you up or says what’s on their mind when they are sober and 3 drinks in, the words and texts start pouring out – that says a lot about their communication skills and not in a good way. If someone ONLY texts you when they’re drunk at 3 and 4 am… that shows you where they are at. They aren’t looking for a dinner date, they’re looking for dessert and by entertaining them you’re letting it be known that it’s okay and acceptable to only be hit up when they have been drinking. At the end of the day, it’s all about what type of message you are trying to get across and if it only happens when drinks are flowing then most likely you are sending them the wrong message about how you want to be approached.