A Simple Thank You.


thank you for jumping into my world. read. share. live mindfully. laugh often. seek balance. choose happiness. love life. -- XOX ♥ msamarse

9.29.2010

Bag Lady: Learning to LET GO of All That Baggage




Just like a new purse or piece of luggage, the “emotional baggage” we carry in our lives comes in all shapes, forms and characters. It can be an old relationship you’re holding onto, maybe it’s an ISSUE from the relationship that you just can’t let go of, a fight you had with friends that you’re holding a grudge on one of them for, something your parents did (or didn’t do) when raising you, a regret you may have with yourself… among many other things. No matter the type, size, or condition of the bags – sometimes it’s just time to buy some new stuff. Revamp your image a little and feel good about having something new… a new beginning. Similar to the problems everyone goes through in life, the daily bags that you carry can eventually just weigh you down and prevent you from having your eyes open to something positive right in front of you. Erykah Badu expressed it best in her song “Bag Lady” & her lyrics below are a prime example of what I mean about baggage…

“Bag lady you gon’ miss your bus, 
You can't hurry up, cause you got too much stuff
When they see you coming, N*ggas take off running... 
From you it's true oh yes they do”  --Erykah Badu

B-R-O-K-E-N    D-O-W-N:

“Bag lady you gon’ miss your bus” – meaning, you are going to miss an opportunity for something in life when it’s right in front of you

“You can’t hurry up, cause you got too much stuff” – you can’t run to catch the bus (achieve something, get the man of your dreams, get that promotion at work you want) because you are carrying too much baggage… the baggage is blocking your view of something right in front of you and weighing you down preventing you from being able to reach out and grab that goal of yours

“When they see you coming, n*ggas take off running” – who wants someone who has a whole lot of baggage? Whether you are trying to start a new relationship or meet a new friend… people have enough issues of their own, why would they want to start something that should be fresh and positive with someone who is bringing so much negative to the start of something?

The moral is: take a few minutes out of your “busy” life and think about the amount of baggage you are carrying around on a daily basis. How long have you been carrying some of those bags? Weeks? Months? Maybe even years? It’s unnecessary, unhealthy and really just pathetic. If you need to forgive someone for something, you have to forgive yourself first… start at the root of the problem and put your pride to the side. Think about WHY it’s necessary for you to still be upset with them and what good it’s doing in your life. Do you think they are sitting around thinking about you the same way? Most likely… no (and if they are, let them WASTE their time). You are causing damage to your spirit by not allowing yourself to forgive and forget things. You have this weight on your shoulders that brings down your overall mood because while you might smile on the outside, something is constantly bugging you on the inside. You cannot truly begin a new relationship or grasp an opportunity without having a clear focus and not bringing old issues into something that should really be refreshing. Your man (or girl) does not want to hear about allllllllllll of the negative things from a past relationship… all you are proving is that you have tons of baggage and are not really over your past. So today, take each piece of baggage you own, open it, search through it's contents and throw away what you do not need. Embrace the good, get rid of the bad & allow yourself to embrace what is right in front of you… that’s all it takes!

Let it go, let it go, let it go… 

9.22.2010

Seasons of Love ♥

Lately I’ve been seeing (and hearing) a lot of talk about “bunnin season” – which essentially means when the winter season approaches and people start deciding they want to be cuddled up with someone in the house and spend time with one person on a consistent basis. Whereas, during spring/the coming of summer and warm weather it’s time to drop that “main boo” and talk to whoever/date around. I know that for the most part it’s all in jokes and fun but some people really do this and feel like it is unacceptable to be consistent based on the change of a season. But in reality… if you have serious feelings for someone, real love and/or feelings don’t change when the seasons change.

Yesterday I was reading an article on Necole Bitchie’s blog, by Dr. J (who has written multiple articles on her site on the topic of Love and Relationships) entitled “When is the right time to say I Love You” – so one of his comments from the article was:

Me personally, I believe you should at LEAST wait two seasons.  (There’s tons of research and analysis done on the power of the seasons and their relation to relationships.)  If we meet in the Spring, I don’t expect to hear you love me until Thanksgiving.”

Hmm. The verdict is still out on how many people agree with this. But, I’m going to break down my opinion on love and timing. When it comes to feelings and love, I believe it’s all about FEELING, not necessarily timing. When I say “feeling” I mean in terms of how YOU feel about the other person, how THEY feel about you and how you all feel about YOUR relationship. There are some people that consider themselves in a relationship with someone they have been with for a year but haven’t seen but once a month for that year. Others have been with someone for 3 months but have spent every waking moment with that person for the past 3 months. In either relationship, someone could consider the feeling of love towards the other person. I think the problem is too many people try to play the “timing game” and think about relationships and love in terms of how long they’ve known the person and when is “the right time” for certain things. Love doesn’t automatically show up in 3 months or a year… it shows up when the feelings appear. When things get too technical like that, that’s when it becomes unnatural and you step in the way of your feelings. Whether you like a person or not, the feelings are clear, even when it comes to friends and enemies. And I believe that when you have strong feelings for someone it’s inevitable, try fighting it all you want. Now everyone has different definitions of love. Me, I don’t try to define it because I think that it honestly can’t be explained. It’s just something you know. Based on your communication with that person, you alls interactions, the way you FEEL when they are around you… etc.

I also do not believe that it takes at least 2 seasons to love someone. Not saying that you shouldn’t wait a while to MAKE SURE it’s love and not lust… that definitely is important but I just don’t think you should limit it by saying, “Oh well, we’ve only been dating for 4 months, so I can’t say it yet.” I believe it should be based on the situations you all go through, the reactions to those situations and the relationship you all have built together and the way it feels. Go with instinct, if you don’t think it’s love… it’s probably not. Now this whole “bunnin season” thing… LOL is all I can say if you truly do that. Be consistent year round, not just when winter hits.

9.21.2010

[dot][dot][dot]

::blogger's block::

Sorryyyy guys... have tons of topics to write about but my mind is drawing a whole lot of blanks. I was telling someone the other day that when I try really hard to write, it never comes naturally and I have a lot of trouble getting things out. But, if I'm randomly out somewhere I can write tons of stuff... no problem. SO yeah, be back tomorrow with something good... still xoxo yall & thanks for reading & supporting!! ;)

--until then-- 

My Mouth [to your] Mind...
(a few random & insightful quotes I heard this weekend that I heart!)

"We are not products of our environments, we are products of our expectations"

"A woman needs a man who is hungrier for God than he is for her"

[[a dish of nothing -- ♥ msAMARSE]]

9.17.2010

Embrace – Don’t Hate: Diary of a [constantly] Angry Black Woman

What would the diary of a [constantly] angry black woman with a permanent attitude look like? What type of scenarios would she encounter on a daily basis? What type of people would she attract?

Well for one… she would probably be the type of girl (yes, “girl” because as a woman you have put childish acts & unnecessary drama behind you) that always walked around telling everyone that she “doesn’t get along with females” and the couple of “friends” that she does actually have probably act just like her, if not worse. She probably goes to work (if she has a job) and does the bare minimum and every time she is asked to do something, she gives a whole bunch of LIP… IF she has a man, she’s constantly nagging him and even though he’s a good guy, she’s always accusing him of doing something and nothing he does is ever right or good enough for her. She’s always the first one complaining and the last one taking action to correct whatever is going wrong. She spends her extra waking moments talking shit about other people and hating on other women, and before she goes to sleep at night when she looks in the mirror at herself – she’s probably completely unhappy with what she sees (because to genuinely share good feelings for and with another person, you have to feel good feelings for yourself FIRST). 

-- sound like you, or someone you know? Keep reading -- 

So, why is it that women are SO quick to hate on one another? Why are there just some women in the world that are so EVIL and NEGATIVE that even if you handed them the world on a silver platter, would just never be happy? I’m convinced it’s an epidemic. I’ve witnessed a pretty girl walk by someone and all her & her friends can do is tear her down. The girl was on point, hair done, pretty face, body tight, cute outfit & rocking some BAD heels… But yet the first comment out of one of the girls mouths was “Ugh she thinks she’s cute” – or “Her hair isn’t real”, etc, etc… so many women are quick to rip each other apart when they sense someone is competition to them. This is a sign of inferiority, symptoms of jealously and definitely a whole lot of insecurity. It is impossible for someone who doesn’t truly feel confident in themselves and what they have to offer to feel GENUINE happiness for other people.  I’m sure we all have that friend that no matter WHAT you say to them about accomplishments going on in your life, they have to one up you and tell you what they are doing that is SOOO much better. Yep. That fits the insecure checklist too. Most likely, she’s probably friends with the girl I described first above. But, just know… the girl that walked by, you know the one that got hated ON – she has her stuff together, she’s happy, complete and full of life… oh AND the good man (that the negative girl is searching endlessly for) the positive girl's got him. Because she’s comfortable with herself and she knows that there will ALWAYS be someone better, prettier, freakier, richer, etc… but to TRULY be happy, you have to accept what you have, have confidence in it, and enjoy YOUR own life. The rest will fall into place naturally.

I will just never understand why so much negative energy is invested in hating on each other. Sitting on the metro yesterday I just watched the dynamics of groups of white people and black people (not to make this an issue of race, but this is just what I observed) – a group of white people introducing new friends to each other, shaking hands, sharing jokes, conversations about work, and in the end, they exchanged business cards with each other – Ding! Ding! Ding! – CONNECTIONS & NEW ASSOCIATES! Yet, time and time again, I see this situation replayed among black women and the closed-mindedness of them doesn’t allow them to even get as far as a simple conversation. We have got to do better ladies!! We need to work to build each other up and pull each other to the top instead of hating and spreading negative energy. If you see a woman with her hair looking good, COMPLIMENT her! Ask her where she got it done, so you can look just as nice. If you see a woman doing something positive with her life, don’t be JEALOUS! Ask how you can contribute and maybe she can help you work your way to that point. Use every opportunity in a positive way and you will reap positive rewards. Don’t nag your boyfriend about every little thing; pick and choose your battles! APPRECIATE him and what he does; our black males need to be built up because the world is constantly tearing them down (without any of that from us).

I could go on & on about this topic but seriously – remember KARMA is a never ending circle. You put positive energy into the world, it will return to you. And you never know who is witnessing your attitude… so from today on… 
EMBRACE, don’t hate :)

9.16.2010

My Mouth [to your] Mind


Just remember when you're sitting across the table at dinner from that very attractive person who is DUMB AS ROCKS & you two have nothing to converse about... looks only get you SO far in life ;)

9.15.2010

Traditions Lost?

In today’s society, many of the traditions, morals and values that our parents were taught from their parents and grandparents have been lost along the way before reaching many of the young people in our generation. Unfortunately - between the babies raising babies & the media filling our head with so much junk, telling us how we should live our lives, we’ve gotten pretty lost in the mix… (in my opinion).

I’m an old-fashioned type of girl… maybe a little too old fashioned at times. But I believe what I believe and think that part of the reason that people think chivalry is lost, gone or dead is because people either haven’t learned it OR because we have dismissed the basis of traditions our parents and grandparents were raised on. I understand that some things have to change over time – given the way technology is now; we’ve had to adjust to things accordingly. But, I think some things are just important because they help keep families and marriages together. This brings me to a recent twitter poll I did based on one done by the @Kaneshow (local radio station if you’re not familiar). The question asked to their listeners was – Should men still have to ask for permission or approval from the father of the woman before they propose and ask for her "hand in marriage".

My twitter poll produced mixed results – slightly different from the outcome I predicted. Half of the males that answered said yes, it is important to ask for approval from the father before proposing. About 75% of the females that responded said yes as well (which I figured would be 100%). Many of the responses were that the man should not have to ask for “permission” but maybe approval or simply just give the father a “heads up” that he’s going to propose soon. Others gave responses such as “its not up to the family or father just between the two people you’re not marrying the family” (via @thegenius215) and “not for PERMISSION, but maybe advice or for opinions... he should only be asking the gf parents for her hand in marriage” (via @adriboo1104).

My stance on it is YES. A few decades ago, almost everyone participated in this tradition -- whereas nowadays only 1 in 6 men ask the father for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Someone thought I was almost crazy because I actually value my family’s opinion on what type of man I am going to decide to spend the rest of my life with. This proves to me how much society has devalued marriage and its seriousness and also gives me indication on why people treat divorce just as common as marriage. I just think that not only are you marrying that person, but you are marrying their family as well. I want my family to be able to be around my man, enjoy his company, LIKE him and what he’s about – and vice versa. When you get married and take those vows, your family is a witness and they are also vowing on that day that they will do everything in their power to keep you all together and help you though any tough times. It’s a team effort.

I just think that we need to remember some of the traditions that were laid out early on and embrace/go back to them if we want our families and marriages to coincide. Just because it's 2010, doesn’t mean everything needs to change. I'm a daddy's girl & my family's approval is very important to me, so I know whoever I marry BETTER ask my dad for approval before proposing to me. No, really though... if you're reading this, just know! LOL.

:: A little dish to end your night. XOX <3

9.13.2010

Dishing HEALTH


Why is it that when people are in need of a new pair of shoes or groceries they head straight to the store? Or when they haven’t seen a friend in a while they make sure to pencil some time in to hang out with them… but when it comes to an annual check-up, so many people can’t remember the last time they’ve had one. A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was heading to the doctor and everyone’s first response was “What’s wrong with you?” – Not that I don’t appreciate the genuine concern, but I’m just curious as to why something had to actually be WRONG with me for me to be heading to the doctor. Just as people get their nails and hair done and keep up with their physical appearance on a regular basis—annual visits to the doctor should be handled no differently.

I’ve noticed a trend that after college many people do not go to the doctor for various reasons.

1. Pride – It is no secret that many people do not visit the doctor for FEAR of what the doctor could find, this is an epidemic, especially in the African American community in our MALES. Please people; do not let your fear prevent you from being healthy and knowing about what’s going on with your body. Yes, going to the doctor can be scary, but it would be even scarier to find out way after it is too late, that you have Cancer, AIDS or anything else out there. We have the highest rates of high blood pressure and high cholesterol – among other things. There are simple ways these can be treated with regular doctor’s visits.

2. Ignorance – Many people think that just because they don’t “feel” anything wrong with their bodies that they are okay and healthy. This is the biggest misconception ever. Actually most of the time (as we’ve learned in sex education and other health classes) many diseases do not show any signs until much later or maybe never, and many times until it is too late to be treated properly when you actually start “feeling” something in your body. If things are detected in the early stages, they can be examined, and the necessary treatment can be administered. I had a friend’s mom who died of breast cancer because she was not regularly seeing the doctor for check-ups and by the time it was detected, it was too late and the cancer was malignant.

3. No insurance – Guess what, this is NO EXCUSE! There are plenty of FREE places out there that you can go to that will give you a check up for little to no money and no insurance is needed. In my opinion, spending $50 for a doctor’s visit once a year is definitely worth more than my LIFE! Check out health fairs, free clinics and check the newspapers and internet for when organtizations are giving free HIV/AIDS tests, check-ups, etc. And just for the “lazies” out there I’ve posted a couple helpful links below for those of you with no insurance:
- www.plannedparenthood.org -- (not just if you are expecting, you can get check-ups, and birth control and other prescriptions here as well)
-www.hrsa.gov/ -- (offers some resources to doctor’s at a low cost and sometimes for free)

Not only are check-ups vital for your own protection but also for your partners and family’s as well. If you are not getting check-ups or STD tests, how many people that you have slept with do you think are getting them? Now think about you and them plus how many people you each have slept with (if you even know the REAL number), plus the people they have slept with, and the people THEY have slept with, etc. ::CRINGE:: This is why AIDS and other common STD’s (Herpes, Chlamydia, HPV) are spreading at the rate that they are. Now for your family – think about how important you are to them and vice versa. If you aren’t getting checked up regularly (once a year or MORE) – you could suddenly get fatally sick because of something that really could and should have been prevented from doctor’s visits.
You got your hair done on Friday. You partied last weekend. You watched all of the football games on Sunday. But you haven’t been to the doctors in 3 years? See the negative trend?

MAKE HEALTH YOUR #1 PRIORITY.
---until the next dish

9.09.2010

Ladies, just give sports a TRY!


Today is a perfect crisp (almost) fall day with a nice breeze and some sunshine. Feels like football season to me!! In light of tonight being the official kickoff of the football season, I’ve decided to do a little convincing to women that they should give sports a chance. I know it’s hard to sit there and watch your man and his friends watch endless hours of football, basketball, boxing, soccer, whatever… but it’s necessary! The same way we can step foot in a mall and visit EVERY SINGLE store and try on countless amounts of clothing and shoes and feel completely satisfied with our day equates to how men feel about sports. I know sometimes we feel we come 2nd priority to sports and spend hours during the sports seasons feeling pretty neglected by our men, but try looking at it a little different and giving it a try.

In my opinion sports doesn’t interest many women because it wasn’t pushed on us as a child, no one was constantly there putting a football or basketball in our hands and pushing us to have an aggressive nature. Whereas, to men this is 2ndnature… it’s a natural part of their being. I grew up watching my little brother play all types of sports, in particular football… so I’m a little biased with my love for them. However, there are actually a few perks to watching sports if you’re not “into” the games like that. I mean who doesn’t like the game atmosphere or seeing sexy sweaty men running around in tight pants tackling each other? LOL.

No but really, sports actually aren’t all that bad. There’s a lot to learn but once you get the hang of the basics and keep up with the games it’s actually a great feeling to know that you understand what you’re watching, like learning a new subject. It gives you a chance to become familiar with something new you might have never thought about getting into. Guys are impressed with a girl who might not necessarily UNDERSTAND what they are watching, but are at least willing to try for their man. If he’s willing to stand around with you for hours holding your bags while you shop; it would be a pretty nice gesture for you to at least try to watch/learn a game or two with him. If you’re into cooking, make some nice snacks and get some beer or his favorite drink for the game and surprise him by actually trying to understand what you’re watching. It’s also pretty cool if you two aren’t into the same team so there’s a little rivalry. It’s all in fun and any good man would appreciate his woman trying to be into something he loves. Plus, by watching some games with him, you get to get some quality time in together, which is what you really want anyway. A little goes a long way! HAIL REDSKINS!! :) *RIP #21*